Disenfranchised Grief: Understanding an Elderly Friend’s Despair about Old Age
How lack of recognition for losses can trigger despair and tiredness of life
For the first time, I encountered an older person who had given up and would not mind dying soon. It was a shock, especially from an old friend I had known for forty years. He has always been an upbeat, cheerful, professional man. Now, he is losing energy, ambition, and purpose. It is sad to see, and I am confused about how to respond.
He refuses to get his hearing aids repaired, so his hearing is always inferior. He no longer shaves carefully and has lost interest in world affairs. He is becoming cantankerous and argumentative.
As we know, losing the willingness to participate in projects and activities that generate a sense of purpose causes some older adults to feel like they have lost their identity and place in the world.
A host of reasons have been proposed for this sad state of affairs: increased vulnerability to dementia, dependency, and loss of identity previously available through a job that provided a sense of purpose.
In the case of my friend, I think the catalyst for his despair is the loss of his best friend and colleague of many years.