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‘Don’t Take it Personally’ as a Shield Against Shame and Disappointment
There is a sub-field in psychology devoted to ‘affective forecasting.’ The definition includes the prediction of one’s emotional state in the future. Psychologists Dan Gilbert and Tim Wilson, who study affective forecasting, found that people often mispredict the kind and duration of their good and bad feelings.
I often approach social occasions, like a dinner party with friends, and feel some early trepidation beforehand. I discount it, as I know I will feel fine once I have arrived. And indeed, that is usually the case. But the next time, the same nervousness occurs; I cannot make it disappear.
Assistant professors often believe that tenure will affect their long-term happiness. Still, the research found that those who had received tenure over the last several years and those who had not been equally happy. Research shows that people may recover more quickly from more intense emotions as divorce or a loved one’s death than from less distressing experiences.
In making sales calls to unknown prospects, I often avoided them because I felt they would be rudely received. I thought I would experience unbearable humiliations and embarrassment. Instead, the norms of politeness protected me; I can count the number of times I faced a discourteous response on the fingers of one…