Striving to Deflate the False Self: An Essay on Renewal and Rebirth

Everyone is born with a completely happy and healthy self; then something happens, and change follows

Photo by Simon Hurry on Unsplash

Around the original born self comes shame. One realizes there is something wrong with one’ s self. For if you struggle with toxic shame, which I did and do, such a thing never leaves you completely.

I got this message early on. Either you don’t measure up to some standard as of parents or you come to believe you are inferior.

But shame causes you to hide. This is a problem because the more we hide, the harder it is to be known. We must be known to connect with others.

False Self Creation

What happens next is we create a false self to cover the shame. This is the personality or ‘character’ we learn to play in the theater of life. Some of us learn that it only matters if we are attractive, powerful, or skilled.

Each of us has an ace to play, and we believe that will make us lovable and acceptable. What was my ace? That of being 'good boy ‘hence the hiding out as a kid, not divulging my childish loves of cap guns and cowboy movies

My other ace was to follow in my father’s footsteps and be a scholar. That didn’t work out in an institutional setting, but his influence…