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You Teach People How to Treat You by How You Treat Yourself

4 min readJul 3, 2025

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When you honor your boundaries, others learn where to step.

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Photo by Jana Shnipelson on Unsplash

It is a well-established belief that how we treat ourselves telegraphs to others how we wish to be treated. It gets activated with something small and private: how you speak to yourself in the mirror.

Over time, people catch on. Whether consciously or not, you teach others what is acceptable to you and others.

You show what you tolerate and what boundaries can be crossed or not. It begins with yourself.

When Others Find Out What You Accept

It is a sobering truth that you teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself.

I didn’t believe this at first. I wanted to think the world just needed better manners; if people were rude, dismissive, or careless, it was their problem, not mine.

But then I started noticing patterns. The way someone would interrupt me, and I’d swallow it.

The way a subtle insult would slide past, and I’d smile to keep things smooth. I thought I was being gracious.

Subtle Lessons About How You are to be Treated

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Mark Sanford, Ph.D.
Mark Sanford, Ph.D.

Written by Mark Sanford, Ph.D.

Ph.D. sociology. I help those working on personal development to attain self-respect and self-affirmation.https://medium.com/@sanfmark/membership